I’m having a crisis of faith…sort of. Doubt is easing it’s way into my dreams attempting to dismantle them. My “KickAss” 30 year old personality Self is having a difficult time staying in charge of things. I don’t know where to begin to get control of my life, putting things in order. I don’t seem to multi-task as well as I used to do.
It is my life and only I control what happens. I can do one small thing within my house to begin to gain control. I can get the papers under control and clean off the counter-top! The books I need to read I can find a place for them neatly on the counter so I can see them to remind me to read them. I can clean off my desk (can I find my desk?!). I can do one task at a time. I can control my circumstances within my own house.
I won’t feel obligated to do things that are taking time away from my course of study and I won’t feel guilty about it. I am feeling overwhelmed because I took my eye off my vision….off Christ . I began to look at all I haven’t done, all I couldn’t do and I stopped seeing the Christ Presence within me. I took my eyes off my vision….off Christ and I began to sink into the murky waters of doubt.
Comparison is not always a good thing. It is fertile ground for growing doubt and weeds of chaos. I see a painting by another classmate in training with me and I’m in awe and wonder how’d she do that?? Then I’d begin to think “I can’t do that! I don’t know that!, “Mine are awful!” “Why am I wasting my time?” “How can anyone support me if they knew, really knew that I can’t do any of this?!” “Who am I to think I could teach others they to could rise up when I myself am sinking?”
Who am I? I Am a child of the Most High God, a child of the Universe and I can do all I set my mind to do…if I have faith. Just a little is enough. Faith in God in me. Keeping my eyes on my vision and no comparing my vision to someone else’s because they are not me. They cannot walk in my shoes nor can I walk their path. Just a little faith will propel me forward. A little faith will keep the doubts from growing and will clear the field of comparison. Faith will keep me courageous when I seem to get overwhelmed. Faith will keep me looking forward and rejoicing at each small step I take towards completion of my tasks.
I can do all things through the Christ that strengthens me.
Life is energy and as long as I have life I will persevere.
I am renewed, restored and revitalized! I go forth into this day with a joyful heart and a buoyant step!
I have two, yes two, art receptions to attend today at venues where my art is on exhibit along with other fierce and fabulous women!
So, it is okay to have those moments of crisis, moments of doubt along the road “less traveled” as long as you don’t allow your doubts to take up residence in your mind. Throw doubt out and keep on truckin’!!