It’s only the 2nd day and I’m considering….anything but what I committed to do! I started exercising, yesterday, to an aerobic tape – 15 mins at a time! Today I managed to get through 30 mins – Yea!!! ‘Cause yesteday I did not walk Dutchess for my other 15 mins. – nope did not. I probably was able to get through 30 mins because it was mostly arms and not as much legs as yesterday but boy ami I feeling it in my legs!!! I just keep reminding myself to “put one foot in front of the other” that’s all. One day at a time. I’m going slow this time around because I want to succeed.

If this past weekend taught me anything it was I don’t do well in the heat either! I used to love basking in the sun! Now, the sun beaming on my head gets me to sweating like a dog! Guess that’s what happen as you move along the ageline.
Didn’t help either that I also read an article on a female bodybuilder who looks FABULOUS and just happens to be 72 years old!!! Been training since she was in her 50’s. Not that I’m aspiring to become a body builder…though I am “aspiring” to build my body back into any shape besides that of something resembling silly putty!
Ahhhh brings us back to committment doesn’t it. Guess I have to face it, I’m just not that committed….or haven’t been. Today is a new day!!  I even took the candy bar out of my bag (and did NOT eat it! Gave it away). Now that was hard!!
First I’m going to stop attempting to do what my body isn’t prepared (ready) to do….like walk around Stone Mountain or even up it!!!! Yeah, I did it before but that was before I ate all them snickers and gained all this weight!! Yeah, in my mind I’m thinking I can still do what I used to do! Probably will be able to do it again…but not today. One step at a time! So instead of me tackling a two hour walk how about I start out with the “at least 30 mins. a day” idea?
Yeah, well this morning I was going to do 30 mins of aerobic exercise (to one of my tapes) and 15 mins into the tape I couldn’t breathe!!!! And that was just the warm up!!!! WTH???!
But I can do this! I did last the whole 15 mins (though it took another 15 to recuperate!).
So when I get  home today I’m taking the ole girl (Dutchess, not me!) for a brisk 15 min walk around the neighborhood…going up the hill back to the house will be the “aerobic” part of the walk!
One step at a time…..

Well? Nothing. I haven’t indulged, over indulged or eaten badly in a week or so (since last time I posted). I just haven’t MOVED!!! Driving to and from work doesn’t count. Neither does walking to and from the refrigerator! I haven’t walked or done anything that requires lifting my feet off the ground. Pitiful.  Yeah, I’ve “intended” to go walking – big plans! They fizzled. It rained most days and though I have a rain coat I don’t fancy walking in the rain (and definitely not while it’s lightening!). Sooo I’m bummed out that I didn’t seek another source of movement. Instead I became a “couch sweet potato”! What to do, what to do? Guess I’ll go find a four year old to play with! Nahhhhh, just kidding!

Now what?? I’ve got no appetite…not hungry…no cravings! That’s a good thing I suppose. But If I don’t eat that’s not good. I eat breakfast (actually measure out 1 cup of cereal and 1/ cup of almond milk!), eat a cup of yogurt around 10 and would eat lunch around 1 pm if I were hungry. Today I ate an apple instead and then another yogurt around 4 pm. Ate dinner around 9 pm (the spinach salad I should have eaten yesterday!)
I gotta get more movement in my life. Walking Dutchess helps ’cause I’m moving more that I would be if I didn’t walk her!!! And walking in the park on Saturday and/or Sunday is not enough! Gotta do something consistent…what to do, what to do….Hmmm I’ll sleep on it.

Today didn’t actually suck it was just a weird day! I woke up 3 times before 6 a. m. for starters!! Then I figured out what I wanted for lunch, packed all the veggies and fruit and yougurt I’d need for the day and put it in the fridge while I got dressed. Left for work about 20 mins earlier than “normal” and 30 mins into my hour drive realized my lunch was still in the fridge!! That one cup of cereal was wearing off already and I had nothing else to eat!!! Even the best laid plans……. So you see where this is going….
Got to work..quiet and peaceful. Round about 11 a.m. I couldn’t take it anymore but Pastor saved the day – he brought me some grapes and a plum! yea!! Then I found a poppy seed muffin in the kitchen. You ever notice how big those muffins are – wow!! I had to eat it in increments! Then I fixed a Boca Burger…..not all that good.  Wasn’t hungry anymore but not “satisfied” either. I was missing my own lunch!!! Bwahhh  Wandered back to the kitchen and stared into the fridge and then…I noticed underneath all the leftover candybars from Saturday…there it was a SNICKERS!!!! Yup…I ate it! Hmmmmm sooooo satisfying! Except about 20 mins later I was so sleepy I couldn’t hold my head up! Left work and got home about 5:30 and slept until 9 o clock!!! WTH???? Now I’m up….

OMG! This is something I don’t like! Not that it’s hard or anything…just kinda annoying! But I guess if I want to know how much I’m actually eating it’s necessary! Like I figured out that the Kashi cereal I like to eat one cup is considered a serving and one serving is 140 calories and of course you gotta add the milk calories to that to be accurate and I guess that’s good if you ate one cup! The bowl I use is probably five cups!!! No wonder the cereal doesn’t last long! Siggghhh.

Today though I added up everything I’ve eaten up until now and I consumed 1300 calories! Yea! Hmmm how many did I burn I wonder? This losing weight is WORK and I already work fo’ jobs!!! I’d rather just stay mindful of what I eat and not overeat (OD) the healthy food I bought!!
At least I can sleep good tonight knowing I have not “indulged” in anything I’d be ashamed to admit!!! I’m good. One step at a time, one foot in front of the other. YES I can!!!

Just came from the store…with some veggies, fruit, nuts & grains (Spinach apples, almonds & kashi cereal)! Gotta eat almonds & apples to fight the urges to eat “other stuff” (you know…snickers!) Can’t keep doing what I’ve been doing! Walking by sight (see food, eat food) and not by faith will push you to make emotional decisions! Sooo I gotta get it right..Walking by faith and not by sight!!
Today has been a great day!! Oatmeal for breakfast, a handfull of almonds for snack and I’ve got the rest of the day to look forward to choosing right!
I’ll let you know!

 Whether positive or negative, emotions are powerful…even overwhelming! Sometimes I feel as if my emotions need a makeover (an internal “cleanse” before the external will change!).
If not processed in healthy ways emotions can get stuck like a clogged drain. If we alter the way we view our situations we can change the way we respond to them…with wisdom rather than impulsive actions we regret later!

When we surrender our feelings, help comes from the One who has the power to blast away our emotional congestion. Lord – renovate me! Transform me so I can be balanced and healthy in my emotions! I need & want your power to change, to be wise, enjoy sound thinking and make good decisions in how I express myself.  Ahhhhh – back to the Source – prayer is essential to managing emotions. For renewing your mind.
 
Thank you God for the power to change.

Stress makes you gain weight. Depression can lead to emotional eating. Anxiety can lead to compulsive eating (plus all the stress issues above). Hmmm, Let’s see…
Stress dumps cortisol into your body which attaches itself to your belly, your belly keeps getting bigger, you get more stressed out ’cause you’re getting bigger, you keep eating, your belly (and everything else) keeps growing and round and round you go!

So now you’re depressed ’cause you’re stressed out from being bigger (than you wanna be) and the only thing that lifts your mood is……we already know snickers is my nemesis but tonight I didn’t have any! So there! (I’ll tell you later what I DID have). Your brain is making attempts to lift you out your low, sad, depressed mood so it’s sending you signals to suck up as much sugar as you can to raise your mood!

By the time you’ve satisfied your cravings you’re anxious about what you’ve just done – how many calories was that? Why did I eat that? Now I’ll NEVER fit into those pants!!! And so on and so on and so on until you have an anxiety attack and guess what? You start eating all over again!!!!   Comfort food. Hmmmm soooo goood.

Me stressed? Nah. Not depressed either, nor anxious about anythng. Hmmm, I think that’s called denial.
Somewhere around  5 pm I ate a wonderfully delicious Healthy Choice meal (NO I did not pretty it up by putting it on a plate!).
Then I kept getting these thoughts about “not enough”. Not enough what??? No worries, I don’t have anything in my house that even looks like a “snack”! The cupboard is bare!
I walked into the kitchen, opened the freezer (full of Healthy Choice meals!), looked on the door and saw this little can. Same can that was in my freezer before I moved (back in April). Yup, I moved the can along with everything else.
It was a can of Bacardi’s Pina Colada mix. I put it in the blender, added strawberries, mangoes, & peaches  & some water, blended it and proceeded to drink 16 oz of fruity sugar water. Yeah, I feel just great. Ugh.