I’m jotting down my thoughts again on my up and down journey of gaining and releasing weight! Yup, as you may have read or can read from previous posts I’ve been juggling the same poundage for some years now…lose some, gain some back, release some more, gain more back…..I’ll walk, go to the “Y”, Curves, workout to at home DVD’s and all I’ve been doing is “maintaining” my weight because after I’d exercise I’d “treat” myself for a good workout by eating….cake, pie, cookies or my favorite nemesis…Snickers bars!!
I might burn off 1500 calories walking 5 miles or using the rowing machine at the “Y” but then I’d put back on 2000 scarfing down a whole apple pie!!!
I’ll say it…I’m an emotional eater. I eat when I’m depressed, when I’m lonely, when I’m sad, mad, bad…..or happy. I just eat…using food to soothe what I don’t want to work on at the time. Simple as that.
Well, now that I’m working on “me” consistently…psychologically that is….I have come down from 190 lbs to 179 lbs (probably since, I’ll say April of 2012 when I took tennis lessons). So here it is April again…a year later and I’ve still been yo-yo ing those pounds…because even though I’ve been playing tennis consistently each week I’ve also been consistently eating….m&m’s, snickers, apple pie……
Well, for Lent I gave up apple pie and succeeded in not eating any for the full 40 days of Lent. Yay! Rewarded myself with oatmeal raisin cookies….a whole bag. Hmmmmmmmm.
Well, my daughter Adenike came to the rescue….by introducing me to a weight management system from the company with which she is associated. I received my package Tuesday, April 2nd and began using the products.
Two things I’ve noticed in the past two days…a) I don’t pass out at six o’clock (sleeping until the next morning!) after the 16 month old I care for goes home and b) I passed up a Snickers bar! I actually looked at it and turned it down…not in a “fist balling”, teeth clenching way…I just didn’t want it. and if you know me…you that in itself is a wonder!
So I invite you to follow my journey….again…and see what happens!!

Don’t know if blogs are supposed to be written every day, once a week or once a month, etc I just write when I have something that moves me to write!!
Watched a dvd last night by The Firm on a 30 minute aerobic workout…yea, I said watched it. Was so vigourous it wore me out..I slept like a baby!!
But this morning just thinking about working out to that dvd, video, any of them got me to procrastinating so bad I didn’t even want to draw!!!!! Now that is BAD.
So I pulled my thoughts back in and asked what is it that I would do…even if out of guilt if not “pleasure”? I looked through my double glass doors and saw The Dutchess looking at me. That’s it my inner child cried – walk The Dutchess!!! Not just any walk…whoa there….not around The Mountain either (unfortunately The Dutchess wouldn’t make it around the entire Mountain – me either!). So The Dutchess and I headed to Mountain park! A beautiful place of recreation and trails. And I forgot it was Friday so the park was practically empty…except for us “retired” folk. No dogs for The Dutchess to attempt to anilhilate. So we traversed the park twice at a good pace. Good for her….somewhat good for me. She trotted and I walked at a quick pace then of course she’d stop to smell the roses…er dog pee and I’d stand around for a bit (which was kinda good…I could catch my wind!). Then off The Dutchess goes…on a trot again after some other “scent”!!! But it was good! I got my endorphins perculating and metabolism up enough for me to have to take off my sweatshirt jacket (you know, one of those sweatshirts I split up the middle)! Then The Dutchess and I hung out in the park for awhile before heading home.
Now I’m ready to tackle my day! Gotta clean my kitchen…the way I want it cleaned (teenagers just don’t do it the way you want them to!). Might do some laundry but will definitely draw today!!!
OH! Most importantly my “special K” try out has been working for me! I drink the chocolate protein meal replacement drinks maybe twice a day, eat one of the meal replacement bars during a day and have an apple and somewhere in the day eat a cup of soup, have cereal for breakfast and IF I’m hungry probably eat a small meal for dinner. Been doing this for the past 11 days.
Even with eating less I still need MORE MOVEMENT in my life! I sit more than I move and this has to be reversed….somehow.
Guess I’ll go up and down my stairs more often…which is happening anyway since I always need something that’s upstairs when I’m down or vice versa!!
Ahhh well, behavioral change is slow but I am progressing!!!! Yea, to eating less. On to moving more!!

Yup! I’m singing my praises again! For good reasons too…going into my 3rd week (I think) and have been consistently getting up and “working out” to my aerobics w/weights tape. Ok so I’m using 3 lb weights – so what? Those joints are heavy!!! I sometimes am able to use the 10 lb weights when I do the bicep something or others (I forget what they are called)!!!
Anyway back to the good stuf! I was going thru my libations one morning and decided to pull out the scale – yes the dreaded scale!! What the heck I thought whatever it says it won’t keep me from “working out”!
So I took a deep breath, closed my eyes and stepped up! Then I looked down. Thought I was wearing the wrong glasses!! The scale said 175! Down, yes down from 190, to 182 and now 175!!!! HAPPY DANCE, HAPPY DANCE! I was doing a James Brown slide across my bedroom!! I’m too excited!

So today what happens? My grandson (and daughter) want to go walking up The Mountain. I say yes but my heart is NOT in it. By the time we get to The Mountain I’m looking (and feeling) like a recalcitrant child!! We don’t even get one third of the way up before Adenike says STOP. We’re not going any further if you’re gonna behave like this! Do you want to go up The Mountain or not? We can walk around The Mountain base instead. I gleefully turned around and sceedattled back down The Mountain!!!
So she and I began walking – leisurely – around the base. We walked slow enough for me to talk so it was a good pace. And we walked about 45 mins around and then the 45 mins back and met my grandson at the car. Which he had been sitting in with the A/C running so by the time Adenike and I got there the car battery was dead. Nother story.
Across the street from the Stone Mountain visitors center is a down home from Philly cheese steak joint called Weeyums. What better way to wait for a jump than to indulge in a mouth watering, juicy, ummm ummm ummmm cheese steak? Adenike and my Grandson Jelani went across the street to put in our order while I waited with the car.
Battery jumped we headed back to Adenike’s to chow down!!! Good news is I only ate half my cheese steak (that half was enough for two meals anyway!!) But I’ve got the other half for dinner tonight!!!!
Am I fixated?
Oh well, at this point all I want to do is go sit in a tub of hot water with bubbles and epsom salts and soak my weary muscles!!!
Imma keep on keepin’ on ’til I reach my goal!!!

It may seem a bit early to do so but I’m patting myself on my back for consistency for the past two weeks!! Yea me!!!! Great Job!!!
Yup since last week I’ve been getting up (not early) and “working out” to my exercise tapes! Not quite ready to tackle the whole hour of exercise I’ve been doing the tapes in increments which has been working for me! Since the first time I started I passed out after three minutes and now I can actually get through 15 minutes I say Yea me! again!! You don’t realize how little you use a muscle until you ask it to do something! All my muscles hurt! Legs, thighs, arms, chest, abdomen, even my double chin!! But at least I’m using them! Whudda thunk a 3 pound weight could wreak such havoc on a body!!! It’s been said that after 40 you lose like 8 lbs of muscles a year if you don’t use them. Hmmm I wonder how much muscle I had to begin with????
I am fitting better in my clothes now – no longer looking like a sausage bursting out of its casing!! There’s something to this consistency thing after all – even if it does hurt. When it does hurt I do yoga – stretch everything out, soothe my psyche. So I do aerobics one day then the next day I do weight lifting (my 3 and 5 lb weights and I’ve gotten to using 10 lbers for some arm exercises!) and then I do yoga one day. Then I start the routine all over again. That’s during the week. On the weekends I walk Dutchess now that the weather has gotten so much cooler. She’s loving it! We make it around the mountain again!

Because you receive food coupons in the mail does not mean you have to use them!
Ok, so I’m talking about me. Some Burger King coupons touting “BOGOF” came in the mail last week and I never took them out of the car. I was hungry coming home one night and saw this blue paper between the seats and pulled it out. Oh My! The Hungires were dancing for joy! Burger King coupons! Mind you I haven’t eaten at a burger king probably since I left MD!!! Chik fil let is my fast food of choice these days. Oh, yeah, Me and the hungries drove to burger king and got a grilled chicken sandwich (meal) and the “free” chicken sandwich too!! After all it was buy one get one free!!! The 2nd sandwich became breakfast the next day.
Then the next day for lunch I used another coupon and got a chicken sandwich (meal) and gave the 2nd one to Pastor Bob for his lunch. And the next day too!
And wadda ya know, on the way home last night I passed another burger king – well I hadn’t used up all the coupons yet!!! This time I got a Whopper (two!). Saved the 2nd for breakfast this morning on my way to my exhibit with the excuse that I probably wouldn’t get to eat (I didn’t need to eat EVER!) I can’t believe I ate a Whopper – two!!!! 

Let me tell you about burger king… I’m gonna need a series of colonics that’s what!!
Today I went grocery shopping. No more burger king, no more lapses.
Been doing step aerobics in the mornings…gotta get moving. Again. (Smooh Move will help, too!)
Thank God you can always begin again.

It’s been another week since I’ve written…I do good, I do not so good. Not with not writing but with not staying committed to what I want to achieve. I want to lose the unwanted weight yet that which I want to do I do not do and that which I do not want to do I do! UGH! The Flesh is definitely weak! As long as I am not in the midst of temptation I do well but let me be hungry and be around food…any food…and I get right on board the glutton train.
Spent a whole week eating “sensibly” – really, really, really good! Went to MD for my grandson’s birthday and his party was at “Chuck E. Cheese’s” house (kids = noise). I had eaten earlier (like 7 a.m.) and the birthday stuff was at noon – not exactly noon ’cause you gotta wait for most of the peeps to arrive, order the food (pizza, hot wings…) and eventually find the kids that have disappeared into the bedlam of twinkling lights, moving parts and the scramble for tickets! By the time any of that had taken place I’d swiped a few finger fulls of icing off my grandson’s cake and was about to wrestle a four year old  (from another table) for his food!
Never get so hungry you’d eat pizza from rat…yeah Chuck is a rat…albeit a fun rat to the kids!

OMG!! I’ve been consistent!! Last night doesn’t count though. Anyway, since I last wrote I’ve been consistently putting my “glutton” impulse in check and it’s worked!!!! Happy Dance!! Yea!! First week: I have nothing – repeat NOTHING in my house that would remotely call it self “snack” or “comfort food”! So even though I repeatedly opened the freezer and the refrigerator looking for something there was nothing there for me to “curl up on the sofa” with and indulge myself!  Tough Love. Then I bought some Kashi cereals (13 grams of protein!), Special K meal bars and Special K protein drinks, fruit (apples and frozen mixed fruits) and yogurt (Publix brand). Except for the occasional salad with salmon that’s all I ate! The cravings subsided considerably and as long as I made certain I ate every three hours ( a bar or a drink or an apple) I didn’t get hungry and didn’t think “food”. Third week or so I was feeling good not stuffed  and defintiely not hungry. Of course I’m not around “other food” so it’s been working for me – especially since I’ve not been searching out my favorite – snickers anything!
Last night I went to a stage play and at intermission they had water, soda or chocolate chip cookies for a donation of $1.00.  I bought the cookie. Not impulsively – that was the good part (I guess) but I didn’t want soda and the water would have made me run to the potty. So I ate the cookie. Bad. Not just a bad idea but a bad cookie. It was DRY! And the sugar went straight to my brain I got dizzy!!! I ended up drinking so much water trying to flush the taste et al out of my system I had to go anyway!!!! I should have DONATED the $1.00. I’m still learning y’all. I’m still learning.
Today has been a good day, cereal for breakfast (measured out 1 cup!), a protein drink around 11 (right before service) and a protein bar on the way home around 1:30 and an apple. Water when I got home. Tonight I plan to have a salmon salad but we’ll see what I feel like by “dinner” time! Ciao!

It is most difficult to corral your thoughts! Especially in “the world”. Lord knows I want to persevere but I don’t think I got that gene! The only reason I’m fixated on a snickers right now is because I know there is one in the refrigerator right now! I won’t go buy one but let one be anywhere in the same vicinity as me…it’s all I think about!!! Been holding out though…keeping to my “goal”. Ate a pear, got an apple. Had lunch (hmmm shrimp and pasta & veggies!), water (not enough though) and a handful of cheez its (one of those 100 calorie packs). I did treat myself to some pecan sandies (another 100 calorie snack) and now it’s almost 3:30 pm and I’m thinking about dinner!!!!
This is insane!  I was drawing for awhile which keeps my mind occupied then I realized I didn’t bring all the tools I need to complete a drawing! AAArrrggghhhh! I can work on it but it’s irritating when you don’t have what you need! But anything to keep me out of the kitchen!!!

Haven’t done any kind of movement in the past week. NO movement that exerts you – gets your metabolism burning! I’ve moved from the sofa to the kitchen and upstairs or back downstairs but that not enough to burn off the fat! Something’s gotta give – I gotta give up something….quick! Until then I’ll just keep plugging along, day by day, one foot in front of the other.

NO MORE SNICKERS! I don’t want it, I don’t want it, I don’t, I don’t! Whew, glad I got that out! Feel better already! I have to admit though I have been good!!! Yesterday I got gas at the only QT station I KNOW sells snickers brownie ice cream sandwiches! And I did NOT go inside (though I gave myself every reason I could think of to get one!!) – no snickers for me!!!!! I’m done! (almost!). I’ll take the kudos anyway I can get them!!! LOL! I’m not even replacing them for something else – I’m good!!! I’m not denying myself just not eating what I know will send me over the edge and not eating out of control by staying aware of what I’m eating and how much.

I’m good. Today.

What’s to say….I’ve been slackin’.  Did two days of exercise and nothing more. Everything else became more important. Especially sitting. AAArrrggghhh!
OK, so it’s a new day! Went shopping yesterday and bought food to eat. So today eating breakfast of Kashi cereal (measuring out the 1 cup) with almond milk. Packing a lunch – so I won’t be tempted to eat whatever I see! Taking an apple, a pear, a salad and a healthy choice meal. I bought some of those special K protein drinks – the french vanilla – and they taste pretty good! I was surprised. One of those will be for dinner. Imma have to go to bed “early” so I don’t get the late night TV munchies!!!! Not that I have anything to munch on in my house (except carrots & some celery)!
This “lack of stick to it tiveness” is creeping into other areas of my life! Gotta Do Something about that – only I can change my life!!! What to do when I come home from work? Hmmmm. Now that it’s not as hot as it had been I could take up walking the Dutchess again. Yea, yea. Or I could come in and work on the hundreds of drawings I started or teach myself color theory or how to mat my own drawings!!! Any number of things I could do! First I must totally commit myselt to trusting in God that I can do!!!! Gotta strengthen my faith! And that comes with practice and prayer!
I’m back at it folks!!!